Update

So the court hearings have ended and transitioning has started. The weeks Alex is away are tough on me but even more so on Henry. He’s not used to being an only child. You would think since he’s our first child that experienced attachment parenting from birth that he would enjoy this alone time with mommy. Turns out he’s just as attached to big brother.

Alex met with his new therapist that is going to help him with the transition. She was very attentive to him. I think I like this one. Now to find one for myself…

One day at a time

Stopping the spinning

I know I have been quiet lately. It may be because I was looking for the words to describe how I’m feeling. Or it may be because I don’t want to say it out loud. But until I do I can’t come to terms with it. My worst fear is coming true.

In June, A’s father petitioned for full custody. After a long litigation process it seems the court is siding with him and Thursday is our final hearing. After which “transitioning” will begin.

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Comic relief aside, Heavenly Father I am trying to understand your plan but I’m having trouble seeing the good in it. This child saved me from a life of temptation, is he now meant to do that for his father? But when does he get to rest and enjoy unconditional love? Can anyone possibly love him more than I do? Will I still be his mother?

If mothers can go on after their child goes to heaven, surely I can survive mine moving to the next state. But how can I act like everything is normal when I feel like my world is ending.

Not so proud mommy moments

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Sigh. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m failing at the whole mom thing. My patience is gone, I’ve been yelling A LOT, I even hang out with some mainstream parents so I don’t feel as bad for it. 

But I do feel bad. When I’m trying to sleep, staring at the ceiling, I can’t help but feel the guilt creep up. I know better. It’s time I DO better.

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I haven’t quite figured out HOW I’m going to do that. I have some good inspiration from fellow bloggers Our Muddy Boots and The Orange Rhino. I already took the first step – apologizing. 

Do you have any not so proud mommy moments? Any gentle advice?

 

Frugal Friday – The Stock Pile

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Thanks to TLC everyone knows what Extreme Couponing is. But to me it’s more than saving a few dollars on toilet paper. It is essential so I can fund allergy safe food for Chicken little and myself. Anyone with food allergies can attest to the high cost of living associated with it. Especially when Hippie Husband won’t give up his junk food (notice all of the gluten above).

 

The key to great couponing is a stockpile. To save the most you have to buy while there are sales and corresponding coupons, and buy enough to last you until that next sale. So here’s a look into my personal stockpile. Not the most impressive I’ve had but it’s getting back to par. Heres how I did it:

1. Sunday circulars – Traditional coupon cutting is still the best way to save money if you have time. I like to do it during nap time every Sunday, with a nice cup of coffee and some relaxing music in the background. It’s quite zen like. Most of these coupons are doubled at traditional grocery stores if they’re less than $1!

2. Printable coupons – I don’t do this much because the cost of ink really brings down the value, but if you weren’t opposed to using company resources this may be a good option for you.

3. A wholesale club – many put out monthly coupons that can give you a really great deal. But be careful, buying in bulk is not always cheaper especially for short shelf life items. 

4. Research – Online forums like afullcup.com and thekrazycouponlady.com are great to get you started on your couponing journey. 

Do you coupon? What has been your best haul?

It’s my Blogiversary!

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Wow I can’t believe it’s been a whole year! When I was writing my first post I felt so silly. I never expected anyone to actually read this. Thanks to everyone that does, you have no idea how special that makes me feel.

I have grown so much in these last 12 months. Things are looking a whole lot more hippie and a whole lot less city around here. There are even talks of moving to Tennessee and having a honest to God farm. More details on that if it comes true ;)

I’ve also become a lot more forward in my activism, and have lost a friend or two because of it. I’ve embraced my role as WAH crunchy super mom and am over the moon with the path that God has put me on. I want to spread all of the information I’ve collected and benefited from.

Thanks again for being here. This past year has been bumpy and without you all and this blog it would have been rough. Looking forward to the next year!

And as a big thanks I’m offering up 10 Cloth Napkins Made by me! Enter the giveaway below!

 

 
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Ageism, It’s time we fought for children’s rights

It’s spring time in New England and that means wedding season. Being in my late 20s, a lot of my friends are getting married. Among each of their different styles, colors and flowers I am seeing a recurring theme. NO KIDS ALLOWED

On one hand I can understand, who wants a baby crying while you say your vows, or a 3 year old running about while everyone should be sitting and eating? But on the other hand it puts us young families in a tough situation. I’ve spent the last 13 months building a bond with my son and struggling with milk supply. Am I wrong that I’m not ready to hand over the reigns even just for the night? Does that make me the ever feared helicopter mom? At the same time I have known the couples for years and it feels wrong to miss their big day. The whole situation confuses me to the point of tears.

So it’s got me thinking, how often are we seeing this happen? Restaurants, stores and even housing refusing admittance of children. Would similar places feel comfortable posting signs that said “no blacks” or “no women”? I highly doubt it. So why do we permit discrimination of our kin which need the most protection?

What is this teaching our children? That they are outcasts just because they’re smaller? That they are inherently bad because they have more energy and find it difficult to sit still? “Age discrimination reinforces stereotypes that young people are helpless, marginalised, and delinquent. Children may struggle to build positive identities and maintain a strong sense of self in the face of ideas that they are fundamentally inferior.”

Children are humans and need to be treated with equal human rights. It is illegal to use corporal punishment on adults, yet spanking a child it socially acceptable. It is illegal to segregate based on race, yet we do so based on age regularly. Children should be taught they are active members of our society, that we trust them to contribute and teach them how to do so. We should not be showing them that they are a nuisance or that they are inferior.

As Dr. Seuss says “A person’s a person no matter how small”.

Resources:
1. DISCRIMINATION: Briefing on age discrimination

A Letter to My Son on His First Birthday

Dear H,

I can’t believe it’s a year already. Where does the time go? I’m in awe of everything you can do, the little giggles, clapping your hands and the way you dance whenever you hear music. I love how you ham for the camera and show off those 8 pearly whites. I love how excited you are when your big brother plays with you.  I love how fast you crawl when something across the room catches your eye, and how your cute cloth booty wiggles when you do.

I must admit I’m jealous that you can say Hi Daddy (clear as a bell),  Alex (Aaah-ahh), Grandma (Gaa), Kitty, yum yum and bad dog, but somehow Mommy is just not part of the vocabulary. Though, I am happy with how you reach for me and ask for nanas whenever you want to nurse. That is a bond only you and I can share, and that makes me infinitely joyful.

This day brings so much to celebrate. Obviously and most importantly we are celebrating the culmination of 39 weeks of pregnancy,  46 hours of labor and 2 hours and 12 minutes of pushing; the moment you took your first breath and came triumphantly into this world. We are also celebrating the anniversary of that first time at the breast, and despite the odds and the difficulties we are still nursing today stronger than ever. I feel so blessed to be able to give you that source of nurturing, nourishment and comfort. I promise to breastfeed you full term, and not to wean you due to societal pressures or for my own benefit. I will nurse you until you are ready to stop. And when you’re a doctor, a lawyer or an astrophysicist  I’ll know it was because breastmilk makes you smarter.

We are also celebrating the day our family became whole. I know God gave me you and your brother at the same time for a reason. My heart was too big and I needed you both to fill it. Watching you interact shows me you needed each other too. I thought I knew love when I met your father, but I didn’t know true love until you. I loved you before I even met you. I lay awake at night just listening to to your heartbeat on the doppler. Each and every kick put a smile on my face and a tear in my eye. Only you could know the love I feel for you, for you are the only one that has heard my heartbeat from the inside.

So a very happy first birthday to you, happy nursiversary, and a happy BIRTH day to me. I vow to cherish every moment, because I know when I blink you will be a man. I love you

Love,

Your Mama

26 going on 80

I’m officially old. I’m not sure when that happened, somewhere between golf season 2 years ago and giving birth I suppose. But it’s true, I’m the oldest 26 year old around. I knit and crochet. I prefer a real book over my kindle. And this morning I woke up with a hangover.

Yup full blown hangover. Dry mouth, headache, queasy stomach, the works. I felt like I was run over by a caravan of semis. The worst part of it all? I didn’t drink the night before. Not a sip. That my friends is how you know when you’re officially old. If you can wake up with a hangover without drinking, I really don’t want to think about how bad I would feel if I DID drink. Shutters

To think I used to party with the big boys… I dedicate this post to my husband, because today he did party hardy and he’s going to feel really old tomorrow…

Just Breathe

My heart is heavy. My body feels numb. I almost lost someone I love to suicide. Thank God she will be okay but I am unsure on how to process my emotions.

The idea of suicide brings me to a dark place inside my soul. A place I forgot existed, a place I haven’t visited since my miscarriage. I suddenly remember the pain of feeling that depressed, that alone. It is not a pretty place.

I am also more aware of my blessings. My boys first and foremost, I couldn’t imagine leaving this world as long as they are in it. Each smile is a miracle. Each laugh, a cure for any ailment.

I feel the tears building pressure, so heavy, but yet I can not weep. I have never been so tired but can not sleep. I am just so drained.

So here I lay. Just breathing.

I Will Not Yell I Will Not Yell…

Stress has been high lately and keeping connected has been proving difficult. Gentle parenting is always tough. It was definitely not how I was raised so it takes a conscious effort to remain calm. Especially during this time of year, when I am suffering from lack of vitamin D and Monkey man is in dire need of an outlet for his energy.

Two things have been my savior during these trying times.
1. An exercise trampoline – I set it up in the living room and when his energy is high and my patience is low we “jump it out.”
2. Wash cloths in the freezer – originally there for chickens cutting teeth but I’ve found them especially great for when I need to cool down.

I can’t wait until it actually feels like spring and we can get outside. What ways do you keep calm?