Hello world!

Blogging is a new experience for me. Suddenly I just feel the need to write down everything that is going through my brain before it explodes. I thought I knew myself very well, had everything figured out. That was until I had children.

Last year was admittedly horrible for me. I was lost. I knew something was missing in my life but I couldn’t figure out what it was. That emptiness nearly destroyed me, my marriage, everything I ever worked for. Then suddenly the most terrifying and yet amazing thing happened to me.

Out of the blue one day my sister called me. She was having personal troubles I won’t get into but she said she needed my help. She was unable to care for her beautiful son Alex, 18 months at the time. Suddenly I was everything to this little person, he was as lost and confused as I was. It was August 9th 2011 and suddenly I was a parent to a toddler.

I tried to fit him into the life I already had, immediately put him into daycare, continued to focus on my career, but it wasn’t working.  I tried to treat it as the “temporary situation” as my sister described it. But after only a few short days I knew that he was sent to me by some divine power, whether god or fate or karma. He saved my life far more than I saved his. This June the transfer of guardianship was finalized.

Just one month after taking in Alex I realized what was missing, Motherhood. It was like I was born to do it. It was the only thing that has ever come [relatively] easy to me and the only thing that has ever made me truly happy. One month after we took in Alex we realized we were pregnant.

Cut to May 16th 2012, after 46 hours of labor (that’s not a typo unfortunately), my second son Henry was finally in my arms. This is bliss. Becoming a mother has been the most difficult, terrifying, worrisome, nauseating, amazing, awe inspiring thing I have ever done. It has changed me in ways that I can only begin to describe and I hope to explore that more with this blog.

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