My heart is heavy. My body feels numb. I almost lost someone I love to suicide. Thank God she will be okay but I am unsure on how to process my emotions.
The idea of suicide brings me to a dark place inside my soul. A place I forgot existed, a place I haven’t visited since my miscarriage. I suddenly remember the pain of feeling that depressed, that alone. It is not a pretty place.
I am also more aware of my blessings. My boys first and foremost, I couldn’t imagine leaving this world as long as they are in it. Each smile is a miracle. Each laugh, a cure for any ailment.
I feel the tears building pressure, so heavy, but yet I can not weep. I have never been so tired but can not sleep. I am just so drained.
So here I lay. Just breathing.