A Letter to My Son on His First Birthday

Dear H,

I can’t believe it’s a year already. Where does the time go? I’m in awe of everything you can do, the little giggles, clapping your hands and the way you dance whenever you hear music. I love how you ham for the camera and show off those 8 pearly whites. I love how excited you are when your big brother plays with you.  I love how fast you crawl when something across the room catches your eye, and how your cute cloth booty wiggles when you do.

I must admit I’m jealous that you can say Hi Daddy (clear as a bell),  Alex (Aaah-ahh), Grandma (Gaa), Kitty, yum yum and bad dog, but somehow Mommy is just not part of the vocabulary. Though, I am happy with how you reach for me and ask for nanas whenever you want to nurse. That is a bond only you and I can share, and that makes me infinitely joyful.

This day brings so much to celebrate. Obviously and most importantly we are celebrating the culmination of 39 weeks of pregnancy,  46 hours of labor and 2 hours and 12 minutes of pushing; the moment you took your first breath and came triumphantly into this world. We are also celebrating the anniversary of that first time at the breast, and despite the odds and the difficulties we are still nursing today stronger than ever. I feel so blessed to be able to give you that source of nurturing, nourishment and comfort. I promise to breastfeed you full term, and not to wean you due to societal pressures or for my own benefit. I will nurse you until you are ready to stop. And when you’re a doctor, a lawyer or an astrophysicist  I’ll know it was because breastmilk makes you smarter.

We are also celebrating the day our family became whole. I know God gave me you and your brother at the same time for a reason. My heart was too big and I needed you both to fill it. Watching you interact shows me you needed each other too. I thought I knew love when I met your father, but I didn’t know true love until you. I loved you before I even met you. I lay awake at night just listening to to your heartbeat on the doppler. Each and every kick put a smile on my face and a tear in my eye. Only you could know the love I feel for you, for you are the only one that has heard my heartbeat from the inside.

So a very happy first birthday to you, happy nursiversary, and a happy BIRTH day to me. I vow to cherish every moment, because I know when I blink you will be a man. I love you

Love,

Your Mama